How to help

When someone experiences harmful gambling, it can be hard for friends and family members to find hope for the future. Counselling can help them see that things can change. It can also help them see their family’s strengths and the positive steps they may already be taking.

Removing the individual from the environment that stimulates gambling behaviours is critical in early recovery. It allows the person to think about how gambling affects them and get back in control. This often means refocusing on addressing their financial situation, healing family relations and restoring trust between the person and their partner.

A few proactive steps to help a person experiencing harmful gambling include:

• determine if something else contributes to the person’s high level of need (e.g., drug or alcohol use)
• problem gamblers often gamble alone and experience intense loneliness, so it can help to encourage the person to take an evening class, join a club or sports group, volunteer or participate in activities with family or friends 
• build a support network made up of those who don’t gamble
• seek out self-help groups (e.g., Gamblers Anonymous, GamAnon) 
• create a financial plan to help budget and track expenses
• discontinue credit cards if the person takes cash advances or uses them irresponsibly

Make sure to bring up the subject when you have privacy and enough time to talk it through. Addiction of any kind often brings a sense of shame or insecurity, so tell the person how you feel while reinforcing how much you care about them: 

• “You are my best friend and I’m worried about you. We love you and we miss you.” 
• “I care about you, and I don’t want to see you get in over your head.” 

It’s important that judgement is not a part of the conversation. Just say what happened. (e.g., “Last month, you borrowed X$ from me and another X$ from my brother, and you still haven’t paid either of us back.” Or “You said you spent the money on groceries, but you really spent it on bingo and scratch tickets.”) 

The person may admit having a problem. They may shrug it off, not want to talk about it with you or become angry and defensive. However, they may be thankful for the opportunity to share feelings and concerns. Try to listen without interruption or snide remarks.

If the person decides that a change is needed, offer help. Suggest ways you can spend time together that don’t involve gambling and work out a plan for cutting back or quitting. Be encouraging and understanding. It may also help to attend counseling sessions together.